Yearly Archives: 2023

If you are used to saying yes all the time, it is not easy to say no but no is an answer. No may not be an affirmative word but it does not connote outright negativity too. This is not forgetting that some negatives actually translate to positive. Example is HIV negative. There are more, if you do a quick scan. Given a second opportunity, some things you hitherto said yes to will attract a no answer from you. Likewise, the no you said before could turn to a yes if you had more time to think through it before you gave your verdict. Time has a role to play in decision making, depending on the weight of what your decision can birth and the possible implications. This is why you should be mindful of being stampeded to say yes to a request because you didn’t have enough time to process the information.

I imagine a world without competition, life will be so dull, isn’t it? Of a truth, life without competition will not only be uneventful, it will be uninspiring. Competition breeds invention, particularly when it is healthy. More often we talk about the gains of team work. If we agree that competition ignites innovation, is there a place then for competition in the spirit and letter of teaming? It sounds like a contradiction, isn’t it? Competition is not bad but a lot has to do with the motive of the competitor to determine the end goal. For competition that is well intended, there is usually an unspoken component that tends towards collaboration. Ubuntu is a Zulu language. It simply translates to “I am because you are”. It means humanity towards others. Ubuntu means togetherness. If you like, you can call it collaboration over competition.

Empowerment is a commonly used word that I believe should provoke a discourse to avoid misuse. For an undiscerning mind, I fear that enslavement could be mistaken for empowerment. If you are successful, it is most likely that you want your children to take after you. It is also likely that you would prefer your children don’t make the mistakes you made on your path to success. If we all agree that the road to success is laden with missteps and mistakes, expecting your child to do things the way you did it is like saying s/he should also make the mistakes you made. Don’t forget that your child is not you. As you raise your children, you may, unknowingly, erase their sense of good judgment if you don’t allow them exercise their independence of mind, even when at variance with yours. Empowerment is not limited to giving your child the best education. It includes allowing the education to count when your child is able to question your judgement when s/he needs you to rationalise your reasoning.

If you know how to ask questions, you are most likely to know how best to answer questions. Knowing how to answer questions is as important as knowledge itself. Communication is two way and listening has been proven to be an integral part of communication. Great leaders are listeners. They not only ask questions, they listen. What is communication if not to pass your message to sell yourself, your idea or your product to the would-be buyer? Be that as it may, some things are better not said except you are asked. It’s good to display your knowledge with convincing words but knowing where to stop is wisdom. You may have good knowledge but still blow away a good opportunity if you say more than is required. Sometimes, you are better off if you save the details. If you are not sure of the interest of your audience, it is unsafe to reveal all that you know before you are asked because an unsolicited information may be your albatross. Reserve some words for later.

I have read a lot about purpose. I have heard about influence. I have not only been led, I have had the privilege to lead. I have taught and I have written on leadership and leadership development. Studies revealed to me that leadership and influence are strongly connected. Leadership involves influencing others to a particular way of reasoning or doing things to achieve a desired objective. One common denominator to leadership and influence is purpose. It applies to every individual or a group of two or more. What is your reason? What do you set out to achieve? That is your purpose. One of the ways to know if you are achieving your purpose is to weigh the impact you are making on others. After all no man is an island unto himself. An influential leader with a purpose as clear as the crystal glass may fail the test if his impact is not felt. No one is created to live for himself alone. Whatever your calling is, others should benefit from your ingenuity.

I once bumped into a conversation where someone asked what is the best time for one to plan for his retirement. Stretched a little further, what is the best time to plan for old age? This question is often reserved for middle aged and working class but I believe it is a question to be directed at everybody, even life starters. In essence, my message is for all my readers. In my opinion, the best time to plan for old age was the moment you became conscious of yourself. If you did not do it then, the next best time to plan for your retirement is now. Important as it is, the anxiety that surrounds retirement could make one to get immersed in planning for the future to forget the now. You have to live in the now before you can enjoy life in the after now. It is common practice to yearn for the counsel of financial experts and investment gurus while one is planning for his retirement. This is not enough. What about relationship experts? Health advisors? Spiritual mentors? Fun makers? Fitness experts? Holiday planners? Content creators?

Bicameral legislature is an American model. Only that the quality of engagement in the upper and lower chambers in America, after inauguration, is more of governance than politics.

Amidst the vicissitudes of life, what sustains man the most is hope. Many who are going through stuff keep going because there is hope to cling to. This hope keeps assuring them that things can only get better. Remove that hope and all will be lost. Hope applies in all situations. When the going is good, you hope it will be better. When better beckons, you begin to hope for the best. Even the worst situation still hopes that bad times will turn to good and better will turn to best. However, to keep hope alive is not the same as to hope on hope. If your hope has to depend on another hope, you are hoping on hope. You could lose control and not be in charge. That is a dangerous way to live. Football followers can relate better with this in a point based qualification competition, where your team’s success would depend on either the success of another team or even the failure of a rival team.

This is the third time I am asking this question but the more I ask, the more innocent lives are lost to avoidable deaths. We talk about death casually but I cannot but keep asking - what is the worth of an average Nigerian? Another nine (9) lives were lost in cold blood at Ojuelegba, Lagos penultimate Sunday. Yes, nine innocent lives were terminated by a fallen container in a system that keeps talking about the problem but does so little to solve the problem. Even to non-Nigerians, Ojuelegba is a renowned centre, not only in Lagos but in Nigeria. Thanks to the late king of Afro Beats, the Abami Eda himself, Fela Anikulapo Kuti, when he sang 🎼for Ojuelegba 2x, moto dey come from east, moto dey come from west, moto dey come from north, moto dey come from south🎼 Motor is still coming from all the four cardinal points at Ojuelegba but containers are falling from the overhead bridge to snuff lives out of innocent Nigerians on regular basis. It is more like a ritual and I cannot but ask again, what is a Nigerian worth? Accidents do happen but what makes ours fearfully different is that we can predict our accidents. I had cause to pass through the scene of this accident barely two hours after it happened.

I once asked myself why two people in love would suddenly fall out of mutual feelings for each other, sometimes to the point of irritation. I still wonder why two people who could hardly do things without each other would suddenly find pleasure anywhere else but the company of the once beloved partner. Many times, things degenerate to the point of resentment that separation becomes an option. Sometimes, things become irreparable that either party begins to contemplate outright divorce. I think beauty is relative, just like success. At different stages in life, what counts as beauty for one may not make meaning to the other. Marriage is a good example. Sometimes, it is difficult to understand why a woman whose beauty is admired by everyone else outside ceases to thrill her husband, suddenly. The story of the ‘Superman’ to others outside is better told by his wife, who experiences him first hand, even at his vulnerable moment. Sometimes, the story is not the same as what outsiders see. I still keep wondering but it occurred to me that outward beauty is what others see. Only one person sees and keep seeing the inner beauty. Outward beauty may just be enough to start any relationship but it takes a perfect combination of both inner and outward beauty to sustain the relationship. Issues arise when there is a wide variation between the two.