It may appear like a sermon but I am not about to preach. I have an unrepentant bias for leadership development and I know that you cannot lead if you are not at peace with yourself.
You cannot be at peace with yourself if you are at war with others. Peace is not very difficult to make but it is also not as easy, particularly if you allow ego in your space.
Nine out of ten times, the people you think wronged you do not think so. In fact, a good fraction of the nine believe that you wronged them. Either party could be wrong and the wrong party could be you. If you approach it from this angle you will see the need to listen to the reason behind the standpoint of the other party.
Sometimes you would think that you are so right that you will not know when you slip to vendetta mode. Vengeance may taste sweet but vengeance is not the same as victory even though they share the same letter v. Some form of vengeance do not only destroy your target person, you can also be a victim of your vendetta mission.
It reminds me of a novel I read in my early years. Jeffrey Archer is one of the best authors I know. He wrote a book titled Kane and Abel. Some victories are empty if the motive is wrong. If you want to know the danger in vendetta, I encourage you to read Kane and Abel.
By way of synopsis, my take home from the book, Kane and Abel, is that Abel fought for an empty victory. Legitimate and morally justified as his mission appeared, Abel spent all his life fighting for success and truly he succeeded but he allowed vengeance to destroy all he achieved. He fed a wrong motive fat until it bore fruit that became a poison that ended his own life.
Unknown to Abel, Kane was behind his success but Kane remained anonymous. Abel destroyed Kane all in the name of vengeance. He did not only destroy his perceived enemy but he ended up destroying himself as he no longer saw what to live for after feeding his ego to achieve his vendetta mission.
By the time Abel knew that Kane was behind his success, it was already too late because Kane had died out of frustration. Abel lived a miserable life thereafter until he died full of regrets for sending his benefactor to an early grave. Make peace.
Many things explain conflict. Both of you could be partially right. Either of you could be totally wrong. Depending on the information at your disposal, the wrong person could be you. Without any attempt to seek the truth, you may never know that you are fighting an unjust cause.
Some battles are not worth fighting for but if you don’t define your motive clearly, you will not know until after you have won the victory that you fought a futile battle undeserving of your energy, time and resources.
What is the essence of a worthless victory? Make peace with others so you can be at peace with yourself.
©️Akin Oluwadare Jnr
04 October 2021
