Assumption is a tool in problem solving. Ask mathematicians. In real life, assumption can help you to establish the truth but untested assumption can ruin your relationship with people.
If you indulge me, I’ll tell you a story. I once had a driver who is one of the finest gentlemen I’ve ever known. He, not only, drives well, he is disciplined, good mannered and admirably neat.
Of all the drivers who have worked with me, he and one other are Muslims. Typical of me, I usually call both of them during Ramadan and Eid Kabir festivals to celebrate with them year in and year out.
This last Eid Kabir, I called him like I normally would and he handed me a frank accusation from a pure heart. I thought aloud how many lost friendships might have been salvaged if all assumptions are tested as honestly as my former driver did.
He managed to acknowledge my pleasantries before revealing to me that he almost did not pick my call because he was angry with me. He reminded me that he told me he lost his mother and I didn’t call him back to sympathise with him enough.
In his estimation, I was insensitive to the loss of his mother that I didn’t deem it fit to call him again to know how well he was coping. I apologised to him profusely and asked for his forgiveness. I thanked him for his sincerity and for thinking highly of me.
But for his honest challenge, he would have lost a true friend in me by mistaking me for a cruel former boss who cares less about his emotions and I wouldn’t even know. Little did he know that my own emotion too needed some massaging the same way he craved love at that moment in time.
Honestly, if he didn’t remind me, I didn’t even remember that he lost his mother. He thought I registered the message in my memory but he did not know what was going through my mind when I managed to respond to the news of his mother’s passage because I did not tell him I was also hurting.
My former driver did not know that my best friend was battling to stay alive when he gave me the news of his mother’s death. He did not know that I eventually lost my best friend of over 35 years with whom I shared a good part of my life.
He didn’t know how I’ve managed to cope with the loss of my best friend and three other close relationships who died in quick succession around the same time he lost his mother. His heart is pure but his assumption was faulty until he got it tested.
Thank God he did because I’m not about to lose the friendship of one of the finest human beings I’ve ever worked with. Thank God I did not miss calling him for this year’s Eid Kabir, he probably would have just “confirmed” his doubts and sacrifice our friendship on the altar of a wrong assumption.
This scenario is common. Many flourishing relationships have been ruined on the basis of an assumption that looks like truth. Half-truths can cost you a lifelong friendship if you are quick to believe anything without verifying.
Before you nail anyone for a sin s/he did not commit, are you sure of what you believe? Please, remove doubts. Ask questions. Express yourself like my former driver did. Preserve your relationships. True friends are rare.
Happy holidays!
©️Akin Oluwadare Jnr
16 September 2024
