FROM ME TO YOU

This is true life story. It should be about five years ago. I remember it was somewhere around Iju Ishaga in Lagos. I was alone in the car, enjoying the sweet melodies from Commander Ebenezer Obey’s collections. Imagine one of those weekend jigs when all you want to do is unwind. I just pulled out of a temporary parking on the roadside and about to do a U turn at a small opening on a dualised road. I had checked my side mirror and everything looked safe. The other side of the road was free and my mind was already at my destination. All these was in a flash. My foot was on the accelerator, ready to move. The collision would have been heavy. It might even have been fatal because the car coming behind me was on top speed. A second look beyond my shoulder saved me what could have been a calamity. I escaped what would have been a terrible accident that never was. Looking back, all I can say is to God be the glory. If you underwent training by a driving instructor, most probably you would have heard about blind spot before. If you are one of those who started driving before you got your driving license like me, you may not have heard about it but let me just say beware of the blind spot. What is a blind spot? A blind spot is an area in your range of vision that you cannot see properly but which you really should be able to see. In driving parlance, it is that spot that is too close for your side mirror to capture any image behind you. The area just behind your shoulders is often a blind spot.

It takes discipline for anyone to accept criticisms, even when the criticisms are constructive and objective. Very few people, if at all, enjoy to hear from people who don’t share their views on any matter. An average human being would prefer to hear himself through others who share his own views. As close as your nose is to your eyes, you will need the help of another person to see a spot on your nose except you use the mirror. A possible interpretation here is to say that the closest person to you may not be the person you need most if you care to know how well you are doing. It is the most natural thing for one to surround himself with people whom he loves and who love him in return. How would someone enjoy hearing from those who don’t like him? But he honestly needs to. It sounds like a contradiction but that is what it is. Most of your loved ones would dress the truth in sweet words and rather tell you what makes you happy to keep the fire of friendship burning. There are times you need more than that. Someone said that truth doesn’t have to be bitter and I totally agree but if you care to know undiluted truth, you need more than your fans. The truth you need to navigate stormy waters may not come from the most familiar source.

Nigerians are unique in every sense but if we pretend that we operate a normal society, then the truth is not in us. Nigeria was great and can be great again, only that the long journey to greatness would require some internal cleansing by all of us. The first time I began to query the ‘Nigerianness’ in Nigerians was way back in 2007. I was on a return journey from Dallas, USA to Lagos after the summer holidays with my family. The journey was enroute London and the transit from Dallas to London was peaceful and orderly. The journey from London to Lagos was different. All hell was let loose when it was time to board, as passengers scrambled for space from the lounge to the aircraft. In awe, my younger son who was barely three years old then asked me why the rush, after all we all had our seats already allocated to us. As much as I would have loved to tell my son the truth, the deep-seated love in my heart wouldn’t let me denigrate my country that I hold so dearly. I parried the question and distracted my son so I wouldn’t have to lie. The answer to his question was that we had more Nigerians onboard and we were getting closer to Nigeria, where orderliness is such a big deal.

The best time to be humble is when you are famous. It sounds easy but it is not as easy as it sounds. Difficult as it is, humility should be your second nature, particularly when your name travels faster than the bearer of the name. Few years back, I had an experience with a gospel artist, a celebrity, that keeps ringing in my head anytime humility is the subject. That experience reminded me that if one fails to manage fame, he could be living on exaggerated identity. This young and talented gospel artist was invited as a guest minister for a programme in my church. I happened to be the protocol officer detailed on him on that occasion, a volunteer job in the church. Being my principal, I was responsible for assisting him and seeing to his needs for as long as the programme lasted until he departs the church premises. Time to leave, after the programme, he became troubled. He kept calling his driver but the driver was not anywhere near. His driver probably did not envisage that the programme would end earlier and went on a cruise.

If you are used to saying yes all the time, it is not easy to say no but no is an answer. No may not be an affirmative word but it does not connote outright negativity too. This is not forgetting that some negatives actually translate to positive. Example is HIV negative. There are more, if you do a quick scan. Given a second opportunity, some things you hitherto said yes to will attract a no answer from you. Likewise, the no you said before could turn to a yes if you had more time to think through it before you gave your verdict. Time has a role to play in decision making, depending on the weight of what your decision can birth and the possible implications. This is why you should be mindful of being stampeded to say yes to a request because you didn’t have enough time to process the information.

I imagine a world without competition, life will be so dull, isn’t it? Of a truth, life without competition will not only be uneventful, it will be uninspiring. Competition breeds invention, particularly when it is healthy. More often we talk about the gains of team work. If we agree that competition ignites innovation, is there a place then for competition in the spirit and letter of teaming? It sounds like a contradiction, isn’t it? Competition is not bad but a lot has to do with the motive of the competitor to determine the end goal. For competition that is well intended, there is usually an unspoken component that tends towards collaboration. Ubuntu is a Zulu language. It simply translates to “I am because you are”. It means humanity towards others. Ubuntu means togetherness. If you like, you can call it collaboration over competition.

Empowerment is a commonly used word that I believe should provoke a discourse to avoid misuse. For an undiscerning mind, I fear that enslavement could be mistaken for empowerment. If you are successful, it is most likely that you want your children to take after you. It is also likely that you would prefer your children don’t make the mistakes you made on your path to success. If we all agree that the road to success is laden with missteps and mistakes, expecting your child to do things the way you did it is like saying s/he should also make the mistakes you made. Don’t forget that your child is not you. As you raise your children, you may, unknowingly, erase their sense of good judgment if you don’t allow them exercise their independence of mind, even when at variance with yours. Empowerment is not limited to giving your child the best education. It includes allowing the education to count when your child is able to question your judgement when s/he needs you to rationalise your reasoning.

If you know how to ask questions, you are most likely to know how best to answer questions. Knowing how to answer questions is as important as knowledge itself. Communication is two way and listening has been proven to be an integral part of communication. Great leaders are listeners. They not only ask questions, they listen. What is communication if not to pass your message to sell yourself, your idea or your product to the would-be buyer? Be that as it may, some things are better not said except you are asked. It’s good to display your knowledge with convincing words but knowing where to stop is wisdom. You may have good knowledge but still blow away a good opportunity if you say more than is required. Sometimes, you are better off if you save the details. If you are not sure of the interest of your audience, it is unsafe to reveal all that you know before you are asked because an unsolicited information may be your albatross. Reserve some words for later.

I have read a lot about purpose. I have heard about influence. I have not only been led, I have had the privilege to lead. I have taught and I have written on leadership and leadership development. Studies revealed to me that leadership and influence are strongly connected. Leadership involves influencing others to a particular way of reasoning or doing things to achieve a desired objective. One common denominator to leadership and influence is purpose. It applies to every individual or a group of two or more. What is your reason? What do you set out to achieve? That is your purpose. One of the ways to know if you are achieving your purpose is to weigh the impact you are making on others. After all no man is an island unto himself. An influential leader with a purpose as clear as the crystal glass may fail the test if his impact is not felt. No one is created to live for himself alone. Whatever your calling is, others should benefit from your ingenuity.